Welcome to my site! My husband, Adam, and I live in the northwest suburbs of Chicago in a little blue house. Our home is often filled with screaming, growling, super-hero role play, whining, and laughter by our two boys Jonas (4) and Arlo (1). Our lives are far from calm, but we have a lot to be thankful for.
Adam and I both have our Masters of Divinity from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. We served in various ministry roles for 10 years and 5 of those years together at a church. In the last year, God has directed us to a completely new stage of life. Adam is currently an owner of a flooring and tile company. What?! I still baffle a little about how we got here, but it has been exciting, scary, and hard altogether. As for me, I decided to stay home with our two boys to soak up this time while they are little. That as well has been wonderful, exhausting, and difficult.
While staying home with our boys, I am taking this time to speak and write around the topic of grief and pain. God has been nudging me (ok, fine…pushing me!) to do this for a couple of years now. I have a dream to write a book and start a ministry around grief. Admitting this dream publicly and sharing my stories of suffering is frightening. It makes me vulnerable for sure, but vulnerability creates connection and healing for me and hopefully you as well. My biggest goal with my work is to get the message out that you do not have to hide your grief. You are never alone.
I recently read a book where an author in a somewhat humorous way listed out her current major losses in life. She wasn’t trying to make light of it, but how do you share the pain and dark times of each loss in a few words? You can’t…so here I go. When I was seven years old I lost my father to a fatal heart condition called dilated cardiomyopathy. He had a heart transplant, and after a year that heart failed him as well. I grew up knowing grief well. As I matured I was able to process and grasp it more, but I often hid my pain and dealt with it alone.
Then when I was 25 my biggest fear happened. I lost another loved one. My mother passed away from a horrible battle of pancreatic cancer. This broke me. It broke me in a way that couldn’t quite be put back together. It broke me in a way that I couldn’t recognize myself. So much of what I believed in my Christian faith and who I was changed forever. I found myself grieving my mother in a lonely place again, and it resurfaced all of my childhood pain. Here you will find my imperfect grief and how I am tired (and a little frustrated) on how we often do grief. In this space, you will find many stories of my parents, my constant walk of grief, and the joys that are mixed in with the pain of life. I hope you can connect to my stories and struggles so that we can walk through our pain together.
Randi Kae 